Two Unrealistic Pre-Marital Promises About Marital Infidelity
There are two unrealistic pre-marital promises about having an affair. Perhaps there are more than two promises that dating couples make about potential marital infidelity, but these are the two I commonly encounter.
Common Pre-Marital Promises About Marital Affairs
Here are the two common unrealistic pre-marital promises about infidelity:
"If I ever even think about stepping over the line with someone else, I promise I'll talk to you about it first. I promise I will never do anything behind your back."
"If you are ever unfaithful to me I will leave you so fast your head will spin. Our relationship will be over and you'll hear from my attorney!"
Easy to Understand Why
It's easy to understand why people make these pre-marital promises.
The Promise to Inform
The first pre-marriage promise is a statement intended to reassure the future spouse. The promise is saying that even if things get that bad, or even if there is an unexpected and powerful response to someone else, that the person will do the "right thing" by at least being open and honest about it.
Of course, another way of interpreting this promise is to think the future spouse is being warned that this awful situation is waiting down the road sometime after marriage. In other words, marriage is a temporary arrangement and not a permanent bond.
The Promise to Leave
The second of these pre-marriage promises is meant to give power to the promise of being faithful in marriage. The person who makes this promise is also trying to define his or her character.
After infidelity is discovered in a marriage, the hurting spouse who made this promise to leave has to re-define himself or herself in order to repair the marriage.
These Promises Are VERY Common
I come across people who make these promises all the time. Both of these promises are meant to be protections against infidelity, but what you need to remember is that there is no real protection against infidelity. The best protection you can take against infidelity is to stay far away from tempting situations.
Good Intentions Behind Promises
The persons making these promises probably fully believe that he or she is being authentic at the time. There really is no way one can know what his or her real feelings would be until confronted with the actual situation.
A spouse making either of these promises might even mean well. Even after making these promises, and possibly breaking them, or wishing to break them, your marriage can be saved. I have helped many couples deal with situations just like this.
I wish you all the best in working out your marriage and making it better than it ever was.
Getting Marriage Help to Survive an Affair
I work out of my office in Pikesville, Maryland (which is in Baltimore), helping couples from all over the world. I can probably help you save your marriage too.
Please call me on 410-654-1300 or toll-free on 866-654-1300 so we can discuss your options. If you are local to Baltimore, I offer marriage counseling, and if you are traveling to Baltimore to see me, I suggest you do a marriage retreat.