How To Stop Divorce
How To Stop Divorce and Repair Your Marriage
A common question for couples on the verge of divorce is:
Can I stop a divorce after my spouse asks for it?
Couples come to me asking if I can help them stay married. Often in these cases the other spouse is pushing to separate or divorce. The spouse who is talking with me is the only one who wants to prevent separation or divorce.
Is It Too Late To Stay Married?
Unfortunately, by the time one spouse is asking for divorce, the relationship has usually been in a deteriorated state for a long time. The request or demand for separation or divorce is usually the last event in a long line of occurrences that have been going on inside the mind of the person who wants to leave.
You don't know if it is too late or not unless your spouse refuses to do anything to help the situation. Even in this case a marriage counselor who is marriage-friendly might be able to help your spouse recognize the value of working out your relationship. Of course, your spouse has to be willing to talk with a psychologist working with marriages or a marriage counselor.
One spouse probably wants to keep the marriage together, and the other spouse may be itching for divorce. There are a lot of thoughts and emotions occuring while this is happening.
I Had No Idea It Was So Bad
The spouse who wants to keep the marriage together might have no clue that things were that bad. Or, the person who wants to work on the marriage might have recognized things were bad, but was willing to put up with the bad situation because of the lifetime marriage commitment and the idea that there will be a better future time to work on the marriage.
Perhaps that "future better me" would be when your spouse or you changes jobs, or when school is finished, or a loan is paid off, or after some other life stress has passed.
Next Steps to Stop Divorce
The physical analogy for this situation is the person who has felt in good health and just finds out he or she has advanced-stage cancer. Sometimes the cancer is treatable, sometimes not. It will depend on many factors including the type of cancer, the part of the body involved, the progression of the illness, the patient's willingness for treatment and personal stamina, the doctor's choice of treatment, and so forth.
Similarly in a marriage that has come to this situation there are many factors involved and too many to recount here.
You do have a better chance if you are both willing to work on your relationship. At this point you might be beyond the assistance provided by self-help programs. I recommend you seek out a highly-experienced licensed professional. Preferably a marriage friendly therapist to work with face-to-face.
Full disclosure: I am an approved and registered marriage-friendly therapist.
Learn More to Stop Divorce
I have found some further reading for you, both on other websites and my own. Please take a look at these articles; they offer eye-opening insights into why you and your spouse should rethink divorce.
- The True Cost of Divorce by Dr. Gunzburg
- Divorce is Immature and Selfish. Don't Do It. by Penelope Trunk
- Top 10 Reasons Divorce is Not The Answer by Maggie Wells
- 10 Reasons Not to Get a Divorce - Rethink Divorcing your Partner by A Ayyar
- Can Therapy Lead to Divorce? by Dr. Gunzburg
I wish you success in turning your troubled marriage into a wonderful marriage, better than ever.