We were married in 1997. We just got divorced, in January 2010. We have a 9-year-old daughter. We're Indians and we have had a love marriage. My ex-husband says that he has given it everything and can't see anything good in me. He hides things and barely shares any information but talks for hours with his mother and sister in India. It's over and he asks me to move on. I know that we have already had a divorce but I think there still is hope. Can you advise [me] how we can move forward in a healthy way?
-Divorced in New York
You are already divorced. The first step in trying to put your marriage together is to start a dialogue. Call him up once or twice a week and chat with him. Will he converse with you? If that goes well for a month or so, then try getting together like a date, just don't call it that. Invite him for a cup of coffee or dessert or a meal. It's almost like you have to start your relationship over again.
If you know an elder or religious leader he respects, you might ask for a consultation with that person.
My best wishes to you during this difficult time,
If you want to work with me, I offer marriage counseling or marriage retreats in Maryland, to couples from all over the world. I am intentionally out-of-network for all insurance plans. My fees are based on $260 per hour, with a 45 minute session costing $195. I also have self-help programs available.