Children and Divorce
Stay Together for the Kids?
If you are having serious marital problems and you have children, at some point you might consider the dilemma of divorce or separation for your own happiness weighed against staying together for the benefit of the children.
The usual argument is that two happy single parents living apart are better than two disgruntled parents staying together for the children.
The actual situation is not so simple. There are some specific situations where the children might be better off if the parents divorce, such as when there are regular, high-intensity arguments or threatened or actual physical abuse. However, in most cases, it is best if the parents stay together; both for the children and actually for the couple as well.
Children Suffer Before, During and After the Divorce
Children of divorce generally continue to live out the negative impacts into adulthood.
More Complications from Divorce
There are more complications, too. If you divorce, unpredictable factors may impact on:
- Your children
- Your children's education
- Your families
- Your friends
- Your living arrangements
- Your finances.
Staying Together Is Actually Better
One major study found that divorce does NOT make people happier. Read more about whether divorce makes people happier.
Children Benefit From You Staying Together
If you follow the difficult path of taking charge of your own life, of being responsible for your own feelings, and building your own character, your children will benefit. Think of what a wonderful model you provide for your children when you take an obviously painful marital situation and turn it around by developing yourself into a better, happier person.
You will teach your children:
- ...that they don't have to be victims in difficult situations.
- ...that they can be powerful agents for positive change.
- ...they have parents who respect each other and understand commitment and love.
I wish you all success in improving your marriage by improving yourself and helping your children to learn by example how to create and maintain a loving relationship.
Wishing you a wonderful marriage,
Getting Marriage Help
If you cannot do this on your own, I urge you to use a marriage-friendly therapist (I am a registered marriage-friendly therapist). I offer marriage counseling and marriage retreats as a way to work directly with me to save your marriage, and I also offer self-help programs for marriages.
If infidelity is involved I created the self-help program Survive An Affair.