Arguments Lead To Anger
How to Keep Anger Out of Arguments
Arguments are a large source of friction in married couples today. Too often, arguments become battles of who can yell the loudest, or who can persist the longest, or who can say the personally most hurtful comment. Arguments like these are filled with anger, and the original ideas get lost in the verbal and emotional shuffle.
Discuss or Debate
Discussions and debates by two loving spouses working out solutions are productive uses of time. Arguments, though, usually turn to anger in your marriage. Anger in your marriage is not good for the long-term and short-term health of your marriage.
You and your spouse can work on your arguments, turning them into discussions based on love and respect. A good resource for this is to learn the 3 steps to stop being an arguing couple.
There is Hope for your Marriage
If you are in a marriage that has become series of one argument after another, or if your emotions get out of hand during your arguments, you probably think you will be stuck with this awful pattern as long as you are married to each other. That doesn't have to be true.
You can learn to turn your marital arguing into a discussion, and you can learn to control the anger in your marriage.
Anger is an emotional response to how you interpret a situation. Change your interpretation and you change your response. You can significantly reduce the anger in your marriage. Specifically, when you think you are about to argue, practice these steps:
- Remember that you love your spouse
- Breathe deeply and slow down
- Lower the volume of your voice and keep it on an even-keel
- Speak slowly and softly
- Listen to your spouse, and then explain aloud what you hear to show you understand
- Allow your spouse to finish what he or she is saying
You can make arguments with your spouse become calm discussions, and you can prevent anger from surfacing when you need to discuss something.
I wish you much success in learning to turn your arguments into calm discussions.
If you find it is difficult to learn these skills on your own, or if you would like to take advantage of my experience (over 35 years as a licensed psychologist), please contact me or learn about options for getting marriage help.