After An Affair
The Affair Has Happened - Now Picking Up The Pieces
So the affair is out in the open now. This is only the beginning. You might have difficulty imagining this, but you can work your way through this. It will take time and effort, and a lot of patience and understanding, as well as love and a kind of forgiveness.
Your world is probably in turmoil right now with emotions and frustration swirling around your marriage and your life. Thoughts of "Why!?" "If only..." "How could I have..." and "How could you..." These and many other thoughts are inevitable as you try to process the trauma.
Some of this working out the past is crucial, but eventually you will find it keeping the two of you directed toward the past, and what might have been. To properly heal your marriage after infidelity, at some point in time you need to start thinking about the future.
Learning To Move Past An Affair
There are many specific instructions I give to couples getting over an affair. The couple has to learn to process the events, the implications, the betrayal, the broken trust, the communication or miscommunication, the anger and disappointment in order to develop a new or revised foundation for continuing the marriage. The cheater has to repair his or her character. Only then can you work toward creating a new and strong emotional bond that makes your marriage better than it ever was.
Some of this material is on this website, even more is in my self-help program, How To Survive An Affair.
Some of you will want the power of working with me directly. I customize a program specifically for you to help you work through the emotional repairs after infidelity when you work with me in marriage counseling sessions or a marriage retreat.
For some immediate help and advice, learn what you can do if you were betrayed by your spouse's affair or you had the affair and now it is in the open and you need to learn what the cheating spouse can do after a marital affair.
Over 35 years of Experience Helping Couples After Infidelity
Each therapist has his strengths. After listening to many couples tell me what happened elsewhere, I realize working with infidelity is different than working with other marital issues. For example, some therapists will give advice and mean well, but the advice can actually harm your marriage and make things worse. There are some individual and marriage counselors I respect, but who don't have the personality, knowledge or experience to work specifically with the fallout after an affair.
At this point, the important thing to know is that together you can work through this. I say together because it really will require work from both of you. The spouse who cheated will need to work harder, repairing his or her character and regaining trust and contributing to emotional stability in the relationship. The spouse who was betrayed will need to work on being more emotionally available and to work on productive healing.
I have helped many couples heal their marriages after an affair, and if your marriage can be saved, I can help you do it.
Wishing you healing and the strength to move on,