Communication in Marriage

Communication in marriage is not just about the words you use. There are many aspects of communication that we may not think about, yet that we use every day.

Some other aspects of communication are:

• …your tone of voice.
• …what you say and how you say it.
• …your body language and posture.
• …where your eyes are looking.
• …your facial expressions.
• …your touch or caress.

Communication is Learned by Example

Typically, you might have learned about communication in marriage by watching and listening to your parents, or by watching and listening to other married couples that you were related to, such as aunts and uncles or grandparents. You might also observe the communication of your friends’ parents and couples you see in movies or read about in books.

Sometimes what you learn is effective and sometimes what you learn is unhealthy, ineffective and even hurtful.

Mostly, though, when you have trouble in your relationship, you probably scratch your head in wonder, thinking, “How could my spouse be so dumb about understanding me?” You might also wonder how communication in a marriage is so different when you are one of the spouses rather than an observer.

Unrealistic Expectations Before Marriage

You probably had some unrealistic expectations for your spouse before marriage.

Currently, though, it seems that some alien has taken over your mind or your partner’s mind and communication between the two of you is as if you were living in different worlds – you can’t even agree on what just happened between you.

Recognize the Problem, and Do What About It?

You recognize the problem. Now you want to know what to do about it.

There are many exercises I use with couples to teach intimate and accurate communication. I have written about these exercises in detail in my self-help marriage programs.

I have also outlined a free communication exercise, entitled Using Active Listening.

Another option is you can work directly with me, so I can help you and your spouse learn to communicate in better, more gratifying ways. This will help you to improve your marriage. Please contact me to learn more about marriage retreats or marriage counseling.

Wishing you all the best in your marriage,

 

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